My life

This is the reason why I haven't been posting that much been busy trying to protect and fix my childrens lives. Its hard being a parent especially one that wants to be involved and cares immensely to what is happening in thier lives....


Flash back to the 2 bullies that are affecting my children's lives.....well one has been suspended at least 5 times throughout the school year, while the other one just skates right on by without any discipline. Yesterday's incidents take the cake though and why she is still there is beyond my comprehension.

On the bus in the morning she was strangling a kindergartener. Now she is in 4th grade, you would think that she would know better. After getting yelled at (which by the way is all that happened) she heads to class to further terroize the classroom with a temper tantrum, throwing things, and hitting other children on the head with books etc.

I told my children especially Tessa since she's in the same class to avoid her since she is a ticking time bomb....if she instigates ANYTHING feel free to sock her one. I am not the parent that justifies any physical outbursts but I have had enough. The school refuses to do anything about this, and I am not going to let my children get hurt in that process.

I told them as long as they don't start the shit, I will protect them even if they get suspended. I will take them out for a treat lol. I know that is wrong deep inside, I should have compassion treat this young lady with compassion, and have my children walk away but geeze for 2 years we have been doing this and nothing is solved.

Oh and the 5th grader who was suspended did all the same things btw, and now he is riding a bus in the afternoon all by himself....I watched her get off the bus this morning with all the other kids. Sad thing is this I am waiting for my phone to ring with trouble from the office since lunch/recess has ended for my two older kids.

I told Zach since I know Tessa will do nothing although she has permission, to watch out for her and if need be step in.

June 19th

Today I waited over 9 hours for my couch to be delivered. I called the customer support line 4 times within that time, to check status on the couch. All I got was we are unable to contact driver, try back in 20-40 minutes. UGH! He finally showed up fifteen minutes after five in the evening! So after that is in the house, we head out to the local bar/restaruant to meet up with Matt's parents since they wanted to see Zach's baseball game. I said that I would see if I am able to get through dinner without wanting to hurt anyone than maybe I would go to the game. Well obviously that didn't happen, since I am here updating my blog. They both made some rude remarks over alcholoism, and how if we could make the time to visit my dad on father's day, then we should have seen his dad. WELL 2 things are known here....one my mom died of alcholism so its an extremely sensitive topic (which they know full well of)and to make fun of something like that hurts and its deep. Secondly my father has never tried to drive a rift between Matt and I, nor has he gone out of his way to cause undue grief. They have done both of these, and continue to do so. So forgive me if I don't want to spend an hour or two with them. I am so pissed now, that when Matt gets home we are going to "talk". I want my feelings clear on this if he asks for help from them with his resume and such that its clear from the get go he BETTER include other states here. No secret that they don't want us leaving Michigan. Now saying if we were to get great jobs here that we would stay, but I don't want that option flying away because they pull a screwy job on his head. UGHHHHHH!!

While I am out and about, I hear people whispering and laughing….the rumor has it that its wrong to describe yourself as a mom. Well that is what I am. First and foremost, yes I am a woman. I have feelings just like you and her and the other lady down the street. I stopped for coffee the other day and a couple of young women were discussing the “older generation”. I guess I was considered that although I have a hard time understanding that. They talked about motherhood as if it was a dirty word, and that having a career is the way to be headed. Well I can agree with them, that some women are not meant to be moms. When I was younger I was very close to mine, I cherish those memories as I face this disease that I am fighting….she was healthy, strong, full of love and laughter. Then I quickly switch to the years of her obsessive drinking, and over the counter pill popping. That eventually took her life, seven years ago this October. I promised myself that I would be the type of mom, that would bake cookies, be involved with the PTO, and anything else that my children would need. I believe that I have done that, along without forgetting that education for myself is vital. I am home for them on the days where there is no school, and when they are sick. I am there to share their joys and sorrows, to wipe tears away, and kiss those boo-boos. I have balanced that along with a home business, volunteering in the community, and being a wife….although lately I feel like I am slipping. Slipping where…into a dismay of confusion, sadness and questions. No I am not questioning my being a mom….just wondering where I am!

New Blog....New Start

New Blog, new start.....we will see where this goes.